The halo around my son

There are days when you are just amazingly surprised!

By noon yesterday, I was basking in my amazement.

But not everymoment is pure awe...

 ...yesterday i woke with extreme sadness

... 6/23 is the anniversary of my son's death.

when you lose a child, you are forever changed.

you, the former, simply cease to exist.

 you, the former, are replaced

...with unbearable grief and disbelief and your broken heart settles heavy on your head like a helmet ever present, that cannot be removed.

what was once solid ground beneath your feet has turned into quicksand

 your entire being is undermined and the new you even welcomes the topple to earth that you know will come, so that you can be buried too.

the entire life that you were striving to create has disintegrated right before your very eyes despite every living moment that you try to create.

your very breath is shattered and failure reigns in your heart instead of hope. for me, the evil simply hung in the air at eye level like clouds breathing sorrow in and out with every breath.

the new me lived with the helmet of grief and the broken heart for well over 2 years.

there came a day when i woke up and my heart did not hurt.
 it is the body's attempt to do it's job, the striving for balance.

then i was able to think and i had the thought, something dumb like,
son why did you leave us. and that thought hurt

but not like the broken heart.

time is a river, you can't stop it. it rolls and rolls.

we were blessed with the birth of our first grandson and i was blessed with my first healing moment. i can remember the feeling exactly when i looked into our grand baby's perfectly perfect face.

when we would baby sit for the new mom, we (dear hubby and me) would not put grand baby down. even when he was sleeping, we would not put him down.

we simply gazed at him. 

i can't  put into words the feelings and why it was so healing, but it was holy, and i guess that is the reason why it was so healing.

because there was a knowledge that it was a gift we were holding not a squirmy baby. we knew a different meaning for the term' new life' not just an infant, but but for us a breath of life, not death as we had been living with.

and yes time is a river,

so yesterday i was out in my backyard with my grand baby, (now grand son) five years after that first healing moment and he said grandma! there's a rainbow around the sun, look!

and in fact there was.

they call it a halo around the sun and i am thinking as i unload these pictures how amazing and mighty and absolutely huge is my God in heaven, that he would allow this amazing moment in my life to occur.

 on the 7th anniversary of my son's death, to give me a halo around the sun.

my mind leaps to the fact that my son now has a halo.
... and because my grandson, my new breath of life,
...because my grandson said 'look grandma', i didn't miss it.
i was told once (once? many times) there are no coincidences.

we are all in this river and God alone knows what is around the next bend.

and i do pray for Grace on a daily basis.

 unmerited favor from God,

to get me through the times of quicksand when i am sinking fast.

And He is always faithful to answer that prayer.

Can you believe these pictures!! So amazing, I love the orbs and the anomalies in them. There's a little pink cloud that shows us in a few, and lots of refractions of the camera lens. They will all click to become larger for a closer look.

Lately,

What have I been up to lately...well dreaming some,

Just a bid in. Haven't won. Won't win, already got out bid, pro-lly won't spend what it will take to get these.

But you know, I love to dream. hehe.

Speaking of dreaming, here's a rude awakening...

There are thousands millions billions of computers to choose from if you happen to need a new one like I do.

The rude awakening is I will need to go to college to understand what it is that I need. It is amazing. And time consuming. And frustrating. But I need one, so I plod on.

This one in the picture above, top of the line in 02:

"This extremely fast, new HP computer uses a 1.8 Gigahertz Intel Pentium 4 processor. It comes with 256 Mb of memory, expandable to 1 Gb of memory. It has an 80 Gigabyte hard drive, and a CD ROM reader/burner and DVD reader.

This machine, without the monitor, sold for less than $1,000 in May 2002   

  http://www.computermuseum.li/Testpage/HP751nComputer2002.htm

I laugh, as do you, at how different computers are today.

And it makes me wonder what is in store for us bloggers in 2020. But you know there will be something, even if the world ends in 2012, because we all love to blog. Maybe it will be cave blogging...

The weather has been so delicious here in Southern Oregon...

Usually you can fry eggs on the sidewalk by now,

but for some strange reason it has been moderately under 80degrees every day for the month of June

and quite a bit of rainfall included in that weather report.

My husband said "you need some more flowers".

And I said

"By Jove,

I think you're right!"

Hope you are in the middle of a wonderful morning noon or night wherever you are, I am off to make pancakes for my wonderful clan of men. We had a sleepover last night!

Before any more time passes...

I just want to say thank you to Teresa

for the amazing prize package that I won

From the Operation Write Home blog hop.

I usually never win anything, but I was absolutely delighted with all my goodies!

(36 doubled sided 12x6" Crafty Secrets Pastel Collection papers;

- 01 Sarah Kay darling little girl stamp;

- some handmade paper roses;

- 01 gorgeous 3D butterfly;

- some awesome chipboard frames and other elements that I purchased from Annie;

- 2 yards each of baby pink seam binding, copper brown seam binding, acqua satin ribbon;

- 1 yard each of 2 different laces.)

You have to stop by her shop....

http://www.etsy.com/shop/mytreasuredcreations

and visit her blog.....

http://creatingtreasures.blogspot.com/

She is so talented, and makes the most beautiful items.

Your eyes will be filled with candy! Such a treat.

Operation Write Home is one great bunch of people that you should know about.
Please check out OWH's blog to see all the amazing and wonderful people who touch and are touched through this papercrafting project! All vollunteer, all from the heart. It is easy to be a part of this great group.